I love coffee!!!!

I’m currently sitting on my overwhelmingly comfortable bed, that resembles a giant marshmallow, peering out the window.  Itsy bitsy tiny little snowflakes are decorating the canvas of my window, and my cat, Charlie, is perched beside me mesmerized by what he sees.  I love these moments, the moments when the world seems so quiet and beautiful and I feel warm and content.  If I could just push the pause button and remain here for awhile that would be great, but eventually my day will begin.  Who knows what the day will lend itself to, but I do know that with each passing day it is getting easier to take the contentment I find in these special moments and carry it with me.  I often find myself stopping in the midst of the craziness of life, and reflecting on times such as these and I am reminded of my blessings.

I bet you are wondering why this blog is titled, “I love coffee!” Well, I am about to explain…You see, as I sit and stare out the window I also have a warm cup of Dunkin Doughnuts medium roast coffee in hand.  In fact, recently many of the quiet moments in my life are accompanied by a cup of coffee.  Coffee has become more than a drink, or a much needed caffeine fix, but it has also become a friend.  It is something I invited into my life that gives me an excuse to slow down each morning before I start my day.  It warms me from the inside out, and at the same time it forces me to sit down and enjoy its aroma and flavor.  Without saying a word my cup of coffee ushers, me into the world of contentment and peace that I was speaking of earlier.  There have been times that I have attempted to have my cup of coffee on the go, while I’m putting on my makeup or driving to work, but it never tastes as good.  It is almost as if it knows how much I need to slow down. So, if I try to enjoy it on the go it cools off quickly or releases its delicious flavor making my coffee consumption a mediocre experience.

There was once a time when I didn’t enjoy coffee, or at least I said that I did not enjoy coffee.  I will be honest and also admit to the fact that my moments of contentment were far and few between.  I was so controlling when it came to the things that I ate and drank.  I had an overwhelming desire to be insanely healthy, and coffee was not a part of my regimen.  Instead of having to tell people I don’t drink coffee because I am a control freak I just simply said, “No thank you, I can’t stand coffee.”  What a liar I was.  There was no way I couldn’t stand coffee, because I had never had it. 

I did this with a number of other things too, like pizza, potato chips and chocolate.  I know it was probably beneficial for my health to not be consuming these things, but my reasoning and my explanation for not partaking was what was wrong.  It was easier to say, “I don’t like that,” instead of being honest and saying, ”I actually would love that slice of pepperoni perfection but I am so afraid that if I start eating I wont stop, and then my ass will grow to be the size of texas and it will slowly take over the world.” I grew up in a family of dieters always trying to control what they ate.  I never wanted to announce that I was on a diet because to me diets were a sign of weakness.  If you went on a diet that meant that at some point you lost control.  I was not a fan of everything in moderation, I was a fan of restrict, restrict, restrict, and if you can pull it off don’t even try it cuz then you wont know what you are missing.  In essence I have always been a dieter too, I have just been so snicky about it that I even convinced myself that I was simply health concious.

There is nothing wrong with being healthy, but what I have come to realize is that there are lots of wonderfully scrumptious things in the world that I need to taste and enjoy before I die.  I have come to realize that a piece of pizza here, and a morsel of chocolate there are not going to ruin me.  My image was so important to me that it was impossible to ever feel content, my focus was on the wrong thing…me.  On my death bed I am not going to be thinking, “Tiff, great job on turning down that cup of coffee!” but I might be thinking, “I have tasted lots of delicious things in this world, including my morning cup of Dunkin Doughnuts coffee, and because of those peaceful mornings with my faithful friend I began to realize just who I was made to be.”

Georgia Rule

I (Joy) just watched Georgia Rule and am overcome with a flood of thoughts and emotions. For those of you who have not seen this film, it is about a young girl, played by Lindsay Lohan, who seems to be an impossible teenager on the brink of self-destruction. You soon discover that she is suffering under the weight of a heavy secret; she was molested by her step-father. You may be wondering where I am going with this… I don’t know if I am even sure where I am going with this. However, I can’t ignore the striking messages regarding self-worth, sexuality and self image that are contained within this film.

Lohan’s character, Rachel, exudes sexuality and knows how to get and keep a man’s attention. She uses the only tool available to her to get what she wants. Who would know that this girl who is presumed to be a “slut”, a drinker and a drug user is just trying to survive and cope with her situation? How many Rachel’s do you know? How many women have no idea that they are worth something; that their life means something. That they are more than just a body and have more to give than sexual favors in exchange for a false feeling of love.

How can you ever have a positive self image, let alone positive body image, when such horrendous things have happened to you? Clearly, I do not have the answer to this. This issue lies very close to my heart and although I know that God can heal and restore, I wonder what role I can play in his redemption.

In the movie, Rachel messes around with a Mormon boy who already has a girlfriend. This causes a pack of girls to follow and harass her. They never stop to think that her behavior could just be a symptom of something deeper. It makes me wonder if I have ever done the same thing. Have I given another woman a title or judged her unfairly without ever looking deeper? Have you?  I am sure that there are times when I have played the role of the judgmental girl, as well as the role of Rachel; trying to rely on my “tools” to define my self worth. 

The issue of sexuality is another loaded topic which leaves me with many questions. I know that God designed sex and in its context it is good. Yet, so many young people are hurting because of the misuse of sex. And, sadly, so many marriages are hurting because of the misuse of sex as well. I remember a pastor saying that the devil tries to do everything that he can to get people to have sex before marriage, and he tries to do everything he can to keep people from having sex once they are married. It is amazing that a man’s or woman’s self-worth can be damaged from having sex before marriage or from not having sex within a marriage.

So, I am back at square one asking what we can do to address these issues. I think that we have to find a way to prevent women from trying to define themselves with a false sense of self. Yet, we also need to reach out to those who are in pain and in need of real love. How do we do this? Does anyone have an idea? We welcome all suggestions and truths that you have found throughout your journey…

So who’s the fairest of them all?

My sister-in-law Joy and I (Tiffany) have been working on a book for the past year and a half.  The topic revolves around the idea that there is no such thing as the fairest of them all, although somehow as a society we have managed to come up with a picture of perfection.  Women in our society seem to be infected with a plague of discontentment when it comes to how they view themselves.  Sadly, I have not found myself immune.  Although, for awhile, both Joy and I did a good job convincing ourselves that we were comfortable in our own skin, eventually the realization of our fantastic acting skills surfaced.    

Our book simply dives into our own personal struggles and the struggles of the women around us.  We wanted to start a dialogue, a dialogue amongst women who find themselves overwhelmed by their own vain obsessions.  I reached a point where I had to say no more, and so did Joy.  We were tired, tired of obsessing and tired of masking our obsessions.  Our healing began when we got real about just how self centered and vain we actually were, and we began to share it with one another.  Ever since we started exposing the horrible things we thought and did in regards to keeping up the facade of our appearance we began to experience freedom.  We simply want to start talking about this invisible epidemic that is robbing us from truly experiencing life and the freedom we all deserve to be exactly who we are. 

Joy and I have been on an amazing journey of discovering where our worth lies, and I now truly believe that it has nothing to do with the size of my ever increasing derrier but it has everything to do with the size of my heart.  As we continue on this journey Joy and I have set up this blog to post our stories and the stories of other women to begin the conversation that we so desperately need to be having.  We hope you enjoy…