Hi my name is Tiffany Vartanyan and I’m a vainaholic

November 15, 2008

As stated in the title…Hi, my name is Tiffany Vartanyan and I’m a vainaholic.  A vainaholic you ask?  Yes, a vainaholic.  I am addicted to the dauntless task of obsessively, obsessing over my appearance.  No matter how good I think I’m doing.  No matter how many weeks I’ve gone feeling confident in who I am as opposed to what I look like, I always feel the annoying tug on my spirit to become obsessed once again.  I am in a better place then I have ever been in regards to my vanity, but I will always be a recovering vainaholic.  I will always have a tendency to “fall off the wagon” so to speak.

I swear it is the pumpkin bread, I can’t say no.  Or maybe it is the cold weather that forces those extra few pounds to grab onto my inner and outer thighs for dear life.  No matter how many more times I work out, no matter how many desserts I pass up I always pack on a little extra cushioning in the fall.  Simply put, it is my body’s way.  It likes to be a little extra squishy come winter, and there is nothing I can say or do about it.  Knowing this, always brings about that little tinge of anxiety that I hate to carry around with me.  The crazy little thoughts that sneak into my head like undetected stealth bombers, “Enjoy wearing these pants now, cuz in a week or two they’ll be retired,” “Sure, sleep in today Tiff since it’s still so dark out, but your ass will give this laziness away later.”  These thoughts are the thoughts that remind me of the fact that I have not been cured of my vanity, but I’m recovering from it.

I know I’m in recovery because I’m aware.  I am aware of the thoughts that creep into my mind, and I am aware of the destruction they cause.  I am aware of the fact that when I begin to think like this, and I begin to place so much importance on my physical appearance it is time for me to call up my sponsor.  I actually have quite a few sponsors, but my main sponsor is Joy.  Joy is my partner in crime on this blog site, and she is also one of the main reasons I have been able to face this horrible deamon.  I know that no matter how crazy the thoughts, no matter how incredibly vain I might appear I can share it all with her.  We both have realized that you have to not only be able to be honest with yourself about your struggles, but you have to be able to vocalize them to others to have any chance at overcoming them.  The reason for this is you can’t do it alone, or at least I know that I can’t do it alone. So I call in reinforcements.

I guess the point of sharing all of this is just to point out that it never goes away.  Each time that my vanity rears it’s ugly head I have a choice.  The choice being, to call my vanity what it is or deny that it exists.  If I begin to deny it’s existance the obsessions escalate.  If I choose to expose my dark secret I can begin to make sense of it and I am one step closer to being cured, but not quite.  The sense that I have garnered from my most recent bout is simply the fact that I usually become obsessive with my appearance when I feel like I am losing control in other areas of my life.  I am learning to pinpoint the places inside of me where the vanity begins to grow, and little by little I can rip it out by the roots.

So friends, I say once again, my name is Tiffany Vartanyan and I’m a recovering vainaholic.  I’ll see you at the weekly meeting.

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One Response to “Hi my name is Tiffany Vartanyan and I’m a vainaholic”

  1. Joy said

    Tiff-
    I love this! I think that we can all relate to this. Often times, we as girls, can perpetuate this cycle with one another. “I feel so fat today”, “I need to lose weight”, “Oh, me too” and so on and so forth. I think that it is time that we step up as sponsors for each other and nip this thing in the bud. And just so you know, you look the same to me as the fist time I met you about 4 and a half years ago. And while seasons may change, I always see a shockingly beautiful person before me. Even if she is sick, without make-up, in sweats…and I would still see her if she was 5, 10 or 15 lbs heavier.

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